Enough of my personal health, let’s talk about what fellow hotstickybun resident Naughty organized this past weekend in Red Deer. When one hears the word stag the words booze, titties, strippers, and farewell/death come to mind.

Yes the stag is supposed to be a goodbye of sorts. No more random late night trips to the strippers, no more multiple day drunk binges (unless of course your wife is an alcoholic or you’re headed to fish camp), and most certainly no more nights composed of random hookups.

This past weekend Blades of Our Lives, The Canadian Geese, Beaverlodge Regional High, and even some Red Deers sent off another of its litter to pursue marriage this July. Yes the crop is beginning to wither but thats not to say when I turn 60 I won’t be able to hang out with all you married folks kids at a party at the “L”.

Needless to say if the stag party this past weekend is any indication of what Mike and Becky’s wedding will be like this July I think it’s a safe assumption that someone better bring a defibrillator because I’m quite confident someone will either die or taste the cold hands of alcohol poisoning. In fact I’m quite confident a couple of you this past weekend we’re close to that edge.

I have iphone pictures…some that probably shouldn’t see the light of day and others that are ridiculously blurry (exactly how most of us were seeing by the end of the night). Regardless here are some highlights and more importantly the weekend awards.

Best Drunk: Not to be confused with drunkest the best drunk award would probably have to be handed out to the groom himself Mr. Mike Peca. How he managed to stay coherent the entire night is beyond me, I’m starting to believe the guy has an iron stomach because while he can not only eat hot dogs with the best of them (see here ) he was pounding tequila shots every where we went starting at around oh 11 a.m. at the golf course. Well done sir.

Best Drunk Performance: This one is easy and if anyone even has to argue you this point I will say you probably were to drunk to remember anyways. William Wallace and the Comedian from the Bently Old Bar take mad props for this one. I knock a couple points off of the Comedian simply because he refused to (or couldn’t) play Journey’s Dont Stop Believing. I could go into great detail about Wallace’s dance moves but I’ll leave that up to him to tell you.

Drunkest Competitor: This one is a toss up between James “Rob Dog” Robinson and the Most Beautiful Man himself, David Hork. There is something to be said about guys who can pass out in the middle of party and not hear a thing. In Horks case it was on the bus full of screaming idiots and Rob dogs case it was in Naughty’s basement in the middle of pool, drinks, girls, and really a full boar party.

Best Moment: I’d argue it was the Bentley bar but I think we need to spread the love so I’ll say the best moment had to have been right before we got on the school bus where we first witnessed a near death(s) when some idiot blew a red light and just about creamed half our of our crew walking to the cheese wagon only to blow a tire moments later nearly destroying his car and another in the process. That was followed up shortly after by flustering a good looking blonde girl who was so rattled she just about hit the bus trying her hardest to get away from us slobbering drunks as quick as possible. Needless to say she missed the bus by a couple inches which could have been really bad for her and more importantly really good for us.

Best Stop: Obviously the Bentley bar solely for Wallace, the Comedian, and the fact that everyone in the bar besides us were over 50. Seeing there faces when we walked in was quite priceless, oh and did I mention at the end of the night Slap had his foot in the hot dog machine? Not a big deal because they have me a free dog in hopes of getting him out of there.

Most Valuable Player: Finally the MVP award. There were lots of competitors but this nod has to go to the organizer(s). Naughty (Moe, Slap, etc I dunno if you were involved) but major props to coming up with such a ridiculous idea, when you can say you spent your stag traveling central Alberta in a cheese wagon you should feel proud.

With stag season slowly on the back burner we now look forward to wedding season and if the stag parties have been any indication I’m quite confident anyone involved in either Muds or Peca’s wedding will surely get real drunk, suffer a sever case of gonorrhea, or in worst case scenario lose a leg and die from raccoons.

I didn’t have much time to settle back in, the moment I got in my condo was the moment I was told to get my crap together as Moe, Wallace, and I we’re headed south to Red Deer for Naughty’s birthday. I dont know what it is about the city of Red Deer but it seems to bring out the worst (or best however you look at it) in most of us. The Denny’s “you wish” incident for the last couple of years was arguably the most memorable

but I think we may have hit a new favorite this past weekend. Friday night was nothing more then a couple of us getting together and having some festive drinks. Sure there were a couple of strange games and even stranger phone calls to other guys girlfriends confessing love for them but doesn’t that happen on most weekends with us? Ok maybe not and I apologize again if someone phoned from my number as I’m pretty sure I was actually on my best behaviour.

Saturday and Saturday night was a different story. Things really took a turn for the worse when the thought of drinking Bailey’s straight came into play…that may or may have not been my idea and to tell you the truth I may have been the only one doing so. Like I mentioned nothing out of the ordinary until we headed to the bar.

For years most of us played hockey together and never thought twice about how much of a sausage party it really is when the team heads out for a night on the town. Random girls are usually involved but as you get older and you graduate to such leagues as senior or rec those random girls tend to get married (or younger) and you look older and ridiculous. Then again maybe I’m just realizing now how ridiculous we look because 5-10 years ago most of us weren’t supporting digital cameras that could record most of our drunken episodes, I know we thought about how great it would be if we could have that record able camera that somehow tracked your every move or the lines you used to pick of girls.

Well my friends maybe it’s not such a hot idea still to this day. After the latest episode Im beginning to wonder if I should even carry my camera out on nights where reverse Jaeger bombs are involved.

Here I am having a quick sit down minding my own business laughing at the shattered antics of everyone when some broad pulls the hoodie I’m wearing over my head. I’ll openly admit that I don’t remember much of the conversation but I was chatting her up before she popped the question to me about all of us….

“Are you guys gay?”

According to some observers my face dropped and I was floored that she actually asked me that question but as I was about to tell everyone I looked over only to see two of my buddies….

Both embraced in some sort of hugfest, the only problem is Zack Stortini isn’t in between them picking a fight and as I slowly started sobering up from the night I started to put the pieces together as to why exactly this broad asked me that exact question when she CLEARLY was flirting with me (like I remember).

This is what I came up with….
- Seven guys and one girl entered the bar together.

- For the most part I think we all took turns dancing with the same girl.

- Some of us may have puked after doing a couple shots, real men dont puke at the bar right? (It was a reverse Jaeger bomb, still though its only a half cup of Jaeger you have to chug.)

- Wallace sitting on Naughty’s knee and holding him ever so gently (Do you know how I know you’re gay? Because you are holding each other ever so gently.)

- Jmoe and Peca singing “I Think We’re Alone Now by Tiffany” only to grasp hands together during the song

- Naughty and Wallace two stepping together (it may have been a slow dance and a couple others could of been doing it too but this is one moment I actually remember, maybe someone can clarify on who all was dancing together)

I guess I have no real reason to be angry at the broad who asked me that but if that was her line to break the ice she’s worse then me at picking up the opposite sex. After seeing all the video from this weekend I’m beginning to question everyone’s sexuality…

Although despite all the gayness we did manage to leave with some girls

Then again gay guys are always surrounded by attractive women.

Walks
www.hotstickybun.com

Pictures are up (www.hotstickybun.com/gallery) and some of the videos are up on the main page which you can click above. More coming tonight or tomorrow.

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