Go round and round, as do all of our heads and stomachs. I’m a little late with this but I’ve had a busy week finishing my packing for my move to Grande Prairie not to mention I part took in my first MRI Thursday. Thank god I’m not claustrophobic otherwise I would of been tearing down the walls having to sit perfectly still for 30 minutes. But at least they give you the soothing sounds of Grande Prairie radio…I’ve been away for 8 years and realize the radio still sucks here.
Enough of my personal health, let’s talk about what fellow hotstickybun resident Naughty organized this past weekend in Red Deer. When one hears the word stag the words booze, titties, strippers, and farewell/death come to mind.
Yes the stag is supposed to be a goodbye of sorts. No more random late night trips to the strippers, no more multiple day drunk binges (unless of course your wife is an alcoholic or you’re headed to fish camp), and most certainly no more nights composed of random hookups.
This past weekend Blades of Our Lives, The Canadian Geese, Beaverlodge Regional High, and even some Red Deers sent off another of its litter to pursue marriage this July. Yes the crop is beginning to wither but thats not to say when I turn 60 I won’t be able to hang out with all you married folks kids at a party at the “L”.
Needless to say if the stag party this past weekend is any indication of what Mike and Becky’s wedding will be like this July I think it’s a safe assumption that someone better bring a defibrillator because I’m quite confident someone will either die or taste the cold hands of alcohol poisoning. In fact I’m quite confident a couple of you this past weekend we’re close to that edge.
I have iphone pictures…some that probably shouldn’t see the light of day and others that are ridiculously blurry (exactly how most of us were seeing by the end of the night). Regardless here are some highlights and more importantly the weekend awards.
Best Drunk: Not to be confused with drunkest the best drunk award would probably have to be handed out to the groom himself Mr. Mike Peca. How he managed to stay coherent the entire night is beyond me, I’m starting to believe the guy has an iron stomach because while he can not only eat hot dogs with the best of them (see here ) he was pounding tequila shots every where we went starting at around oh 11 a.m. at the golf course. Well done sir.
Best Drunk Performance: This one is easy and if anyone even has to argue you this point I will say you probably were to drunk to remember anyways. William Wallace and the Comedian from the Bently Old Bar take mad props for this one. I knock a couple points off of the Comedian simply because he refused to (or couldn’t) play Journey’s Dont Stop Believing. I could go into great detail about Wallace’s dance moves but I’ll leave that up to him to tell you.
Drunkest Competitor: This one is a toss up between James “Rob Dog” Robinson and the Most Beautiful Man himself, David Hork. There is something to be said about guys who can pass out in the middle of party and not hear a thing. In Horks case it was on the bus full of screaming idiots and Rob dogs case it was in Naughty’s basement in the middle of pool, drinks, girls, and really a full boar party.
Best Moment: I’d argue it was the Bentley bar but I think we need to spread the love so I’ll say the best moment had to have been right before we got on the school bus where we first witnessed a near death(s) when some idiot blew a red light and just about creamed half our of our crew walking to the cheese wagon only to blow a tire moments later nearly destroying his car and another in the process. That was followed up shortly after by flustering a good looking blonde girl who was so rattled she just about hit the bus trying her hardest to get away from us slobbering drunks as quick as possible. Needless to say she missed the bus by a couple inches which could have been really bad for her and more importantly really good for us.
Best Stop: Obviously the Bentley bar solely for Wallace, the Comedian, and the fact that everyone in the bar besides us were over 50. Seeing there faces when we walked in was quite priceless, oh and did I mention at the end of the night Slap had his foot in the hot dog machine? Not a big deal because they have me a free dog in hopes of getting him out of there.
Most Valuable Player: Finally the MVP award. There were lots of competitors but this nod has to go to the organizer(s). Naughty (Moe, Slap, etc I dunno if you were involved) but major props to coming up with such a ridiculous idea, when you can say you spent your stag traveling central Alberta in a cheese wagon you should feel proud.
With stag season slowly on the back burner we now look forward to wedding season and if the stag parties have been any indication I’m quite confident anyone involved in either Muds or Peca’s wedding will surely get real drunk, suffer a sever case of gonorrhea, or in worst case scenario lose a leg and die from raccoons.