Away we go.

#10 – Beaverlodge Porn

This isnt a new search term by any means, in fact it garnered the number one spot on the last trop ten. I put it at 10 because it’s been used before but the scary thing is while only one person googled “Beaverlodge Porn” last time it has nearly tripled in search results. That means not one, not two, but three people have went out of there way to track down some Beaverlodge porno. Wow.

#9 – Oil City Porn

When I was living in Edmonton I loved Oil City…I can only imagine how much more I would of loved it if there was actually porn involved. Let’s face it though we wouldnt be involved because we’d be preoccupied with 2 dollar shooters.

#8 – Racing Bums

Apparently the video that was done has garnered some popularity. Prepare for an arrest soon.

#7 – 2009-06-23t20 02 00 0000

I’m sure this is just another random computer slang to trick google into searching for Beaverlodge Porn or any porn for that matter. I mean seriously if you seen how many hits I get through porn requests and/or nude pictures for celebrities it makes me wonder if I should just convert this site into a porno site.

#6 – is there another name for canadian geese?

Uhhh, let me ask you which weighs more…a pound of feathers or a pound of gold.

#5 – who would win in a fight? jason bourne or jack bauer

Apparently I’m not the only loser out there who actually sat and thought about this. This was just one of five similar search terms so apparently about 10 people would watch a movie about this. Get er done!

#4 – naughty girls calgary

Aren’t all girls in Calgary naughty for cheering for the Flames?

#3 – it s a double dion pierre mcguire

Every time I hear this it’s funny, I don’t know why…it could be the huge man crush going on between the two or potentially whenever I think of Pierre Mcguire I cant help think of his “Long Active Stick” flop on TSN’s trade center with Dutchy.

#2 – tequila and squirt

The average joe would be thinking of taking a shot of tequila and then squirting a lemon but considering there are so many flipping weirdos out there (even more so on the internet) one has to wonder if someone gets turned on from someone doing a shot of tequila then shitting there pants.

#1 – cheap hookers edmonton

Good to see my constant rambling of hookers and blow in the city of Edmonton has finally drawn some traffic to my website. Cheap hookers can be found in Edmonton and there were a couple of them who liked to hang out on the corner by my old condo. One in particular on a warm sunny day felt the desire to strut around the neighborhood in a pair of nice slacks and a bra. Why I didn’t tape it I dont know, perhaps I thought it would ruin my chances. Another one got kicked out of the liqour store across the street only to faceplant into the curb because she was to drunk to walk in high heels.

What’s a cheap hooker worth in Edmonton? Im going to go out on a limb and say a bottle a Clear Creek Ice, a nine iron, and perhaps a new pair of dentures or a razor.

Till next time peddies

Enough of my personal health, let’s talk about what fellow hotstickybun resident Naughty organized this past weekend in Red Deer. When one hears the word stag the words booze, titties, strippers, and farewell/death come to mind.

Yes the stag is supposed to be a goodbye of sorts. No more random late night trips to the strippers, no more multiple day drunk binges (unless of course your wife is an alcoholic or you’re headed to fish camp), and most certainly no more nights composed of random hookups.

This past weekend Blades of Our Lives, The Canadian Geese, Beaverlodge Regional High, and even some Red Deers sent off another of its litter to pursue marriage this July. Yes the crop is beginning to wither but thats not to say when I turn 60 I won’t be able to hang out with all you married folks kids at a party at the “L”.

Needless to say if the stag party this past weekend is any indication of what Mike and Becky’s wedding will be like this July I think it’s a safe assumption that someone better bring a defibrillator because I’m quite confident someone will either die or taste the cold hands of alcohol poisoning. In fact I’m quite confident a couple of you this past weekend we’re close to that edge.

I have iphone pictures…some that probably shouldn’t see the light of day and others that are ridiculously blurry (exactly how most of us were seeing by the end of the night). Regardless here are some highlights and more importantly the weekend awards.

Best Drunk: Not to be confused with drunkest the best drunk award would probably have to be handed out to the groom himself Mr. Mike Peca. How he managed to stay coherent the entire night is beyond me, I’m starting to believe the guy has an iron stomach because while he can not only eat hot dogs with the best of them (see here ) he was pounding tequila shots every where we went starting at around oh 11 a.m. at the golf course. Well done sir.

Best Drunk Performance: This one is easy and if anyone even has to argue you this point I will say you probably were to drunk to remember anyways. William Wallace and the Comedian from the Bently Old Bar take mad props for this one. I knock a couple points off of the Comedian simply because he refused to (or couldn’t) play Journey’s Dont Stop Believing. I could go into great detail about Wallace’s dance moves but I’ll leave that up to him to tell you.

Drunkest Competitor: This one is a toss up between James “Rob Dog” Robinson and the Most Beautiful Man himself, David Hork. There is something to be said about guys who can pass out in the middle of party and not hear a thing. In Horks case it was on the bus full of screaming idiots and Rob dogs case it was in Naughty’s basement in the middle of pool, drinks, girls, and really a full boar party.

Best Moment: I’d argue it was the Bentley bar but I think we need to spread the love so I’ll say the best moment had to have been right before we got on the school bus where we first witnessed a near death(s) when some idiot blew a red light and just about creamed half our of our crew walking to the cheese wagon only to blow a tire moments later nearly destroying his car and another in the process. That was followed up shortly after by flustering a good looking blonde girl who was so rattled she just about hit the bus trying her hardest to get away from us slobbering drunks as quick as possible. Needless to say she missed the bus by a couple inches which could have been really bad for her and more importantly really good for us.

Best Stop: Obviously the Bentley bar solely for Wallace, the Comedian, and the fact that everyone in the bar besides us were over 50. Seeing there faces when we walked in was quite priceless, oh and did I mention at the end of the night Slap had his foot in the hot dog machine? Not a big deal because they have me a free dog in hopes of getting him out of there.

Most Valuable Player: Finally the MVP award. There were lots of competitors but this nod has to go to the organizer(s). Naughty (Moe, Slap, etc I dunno if you were involved) but major props to coming up with such a ridiculous idea, when you can say you spent your stag traveling central Alberta in a cheese wagon you should feel proud.

With stag season slowly on the back burner we now look forward to wedding season and if the stag parties have been any indication I’m quite confident anyone involved in either Muds or Peca’s wedding will surely get real drunk, suffer a sever case of gonorrhea, or in worst case scenario lose a leg and die from raccoons.

So what the hell have I been up to that lacks writing a 20 minute blog?  Well a wide variety of here and there and a lot of computer nerd like mumbo jumbo.  For starters Im proud to say that I finally finished two more websites this summer.  I’ve been working on a website for Albright Refridgeration in Grande Prairie as well as a Theatrical company in GP known as Broadway Live Broadway.  Neither site is up and running just yet as I await the final details and changes as well as payment but I will be updating phrostdesigns.com with my latest work, which I’ve done a lot of it this summer it seems.

I’m not out of the woods just yet as I’ve just started construction on another Grande Prairie based companies website named Maverick Camouflage which is already starting to come together pretty nicely (at least I think it is, it is 1:30 in the morning though). Throw in a couple brochures and ads here and there and it’s suffice to say I’ve spent entirely to much time in front of a computer this summer, thankfully I’ve been able to get out and enjoy the weather more then I did last summer which is good because I’ll have plenty of time to site inside now that football season is back in full swing and hockey season is just under a month away.

I’m also proud to say I’ve taken one more step towards super nerdom…

We’ve all seen the ads of “I’m a Mac”, “and I’m a PC”, if you haven’t then bravo because you obviously don’t watch TV.  But having spent the better part of the last 14 years in front of a computer I’ve done just about everything there is to do with a Windows box, I’ve sniffed passwords with Cain, planted trojans on friends computers with Subseven, set up a bubble cam for 24 hour access to my bedroom (kinky), streamed MP3′s and movies to my xbox360, and much much more but anyone who has bought a new computer in the last couple years and asked me for any type of advice I’m sure they have heard my grip with Windows Vista. In fact here’s a quick peice of advice for anyone who is buying a new computer, AVOID IT…it really is a huge peice of shit.  If you can stick to Windows XP or if you have the cash dish out some money for a Mac.  But if you’re willing to learn a little with the computer I have absolutely no gripes with showing someone how to use Ubuntu (also known as Linux).

I’ve only had time to play with it for 2-3 weeks but I can truly say once I get everything figured out and learn how to run all my essential windows programs (like photoshop) on it I will be fully converted and dare to say won’t touch a windows machine again aside from testing or troubleshooting purposes.  Then again just like women I’m easily swayed by good looking things.  I thought this was cool so I had to test it out.

Aside from nerding it up this summer I have done an excessive amount of golf which seems to have dropped my game a few strokes, but of course that all depends on the course and the amount of beers consumed.  I decided to finally stop being a choch and see just how well my game was by first beginning to stop take mulligans throughout the round, an 84 wasn’t a bad start this past weekend. Hopefully this winter I’ll be able to see just how much my game has improved with some courses in Phoenix.

Oh yeah did I mention I’ll be south of the border for a month this winter?  Yeah I know, tough life but I figured I might as well enjoy it even though I’ll be giving up a lot of Oiler hockey games. I suppose I’ll survive based solely on the fact that we should have NHL Center Ice and of course Phoenix having both professional hockey and football teams.  Needless to say I’m a little over excited to attend my first pro football game (CFL isn’t pro football to me sorry CFL fans).

But finally I suppose I should mention that this will be my last update until I release the new look of the website.  Yeah I know I just finished this one but I’ve been contacted by a couple people who are interested in writing on the website so I’ve been busy re-working it to accomodate some space for them.  I have the new look about 75% complete so look for it sometime near the start of October.  I will have it ready to go in time for Mike and Becky’s second annual Halloween bash.

And one last thing for any past, present, or future Canadian Geese players, www.thecanadiangeese.com will be also completed sometime in the fall and will have a wide barrage of information about our beer league tournies whether it be slo-pitch or hockey, info on parties, and some detail on our nhl 09 team (nerdy yes).

Until then enjoy the last few weeks of summer because it’s going to be a vaginal blistering winter.

Walks

It’s been a long time coming, after having lived in the city of Calgary almost 8 years ago and not having been back probably in the last 2 to 3 years I was well over do this past weekend. I like living in Edmonton, I like my condo, I like the bums, but there is something about Calgary that makes it a step up on the city of Edmonton in the summertime. Maybe it’s the downtown area being 100 times better then Edmonton’s, or maybe I’m to busy trying to compare 17th to Whyte Avenue, or then again maybe it’s just the fact I’ve lived in this city for the better part of 6 or so years. Regardless had it not been for being declined at SAIT because the program was full chances are I could still be living there as it seems the only thing I hate about that city is it’s hockey team.

In a perfect world I’d live in Calgary with the Oilers winning Stanley Cups there but something about that just feels dirty, kind of like the bum peeing himself out back the other day.

It was a scary trip early on, I wasn’t exactly sure if King James would actually make it or he would lose a tire (or at worse a backend) which would send us flying into the ditch. It’s been a long time, a couple summers to be exact, since I got that wobbly motion sickness in a vehicle and had we had anything other then boozing on our mind we probably would of smartened up and not risked King James health. Thankfully Nacho Naughty was in Red Deer to pay 1.46 a litre at some roadside gas station with his pickup.

I guess the only negative about the weekend was the god damn rain. From shorts and a t-shirt in Edmonton to pants and a jacket in Calgary. Golf was on our minds but that quickly swayed when it rained for 72 hours straight. I guess hitting the links and getting an even earlier start on boozing probably wasn’t needed.

Friday night was an absolute riot. I warned Trav, Stone, and Reeme’s posse that we we’re going to party like it was 2001…I don’t know what it really meant but I think I was referring to the Blades of our lives. I can honestly say with somewhat of a straight face that I was one of the more sober people amongst the group. Was I sober? Absolutely not, but I wasn’t dancing on tables, nor was I passing out at the table, or at the very least puking the next morning. I say this quite often these days but I’m 100% confident everyone at the table was loser drunk and I’d even throw it out on a limb we were the drunkest yahoo’s on 17th that night.

Reasons as to why I think that? Well:

1. People trying to dance on tables.
2. An individual passing out at the table during live music five feet away from him.
3. Multiple individuals puking through the night and the morning after.
4. Listening to video of people not speaking English.
5. And probably the most important, about 90% of the group doesn’t remember anything.

Breakfast at Gilly Bobs (or Jerry Bobs I’m not 100% sure) was good, the chocolate milkshake was better. Leaving everyone else at the bar though probably puts a feather in my cap. Sorry about that…whaaaamy.

I want to say special thanks to my Calgary hosts and entertainers and of course to a certain individual for providing a good chuckle the next morning after taking a picture of you spread eagle on the floor having pee’d yourself just a touch. The only thing bad about the next day was the remix of Nacho Beef that went on for hours….and hours….and hours…and hours.

Still don’t believe me, then check out the photos from Friday night.

Calgary hasn’t seen the last of us this summer, next stop is the Calgary Stampede. Till then I’ll be in Grande Prairie this weekend to take in the Stompede…oh and maybe a few pops.

Walks