Away we go.

#10 – Beaverlodge Porn

This isnt a new search term by any means, in fact it garnered the number one spot on the last trop ten. I put it at 10 because it’s been used before but the scary thing is while only one person googled “Beaverlodge Porn” last time it has nearly tripled in search results. That means not one, not two, but three people have went out of there way to track down some Beaverlodge porno. Wow.

#9 – Oil City Porn

When I was living in Edmonton I loved Oil City…I can only imagine how much more I would of loved it if there was actually porn involved. Let’s face it though we wouldnt be involved because we’d be preoccupied with 2 dollar shooters.

#8 – Racing Bums

Apparently the video that was done has garnered some popularity. Prepare for an arrest soon.

#7 – 2009-06-23t20 02 00 0000

I’m sure this is just another random computer slang to trick google into searching for Beaverlodge Porn or any porn for that matter. I mean seriously if you seen how many hits I get through porn requests and/or nude pictures for celebrities it makes me wonder if I should just convert this site into a porno site.

#6 – is there another name for canadian geese?

Uhhh, let me ask you which weighs more…a pound of feathers or a pound of gold.

#5 – who would win in a fight? jason bourne or jack bauer

Apparently I’m not the only loser out there who actually sat and thought about this. This was just one of five similar search terms so apparently about 10 people would watch a movie about this. Get er done!

#4 – naughty girls calgary

Aren’t all girls in Calgary naughty for cheering for the Flames?

#3 – it s a double dion pierre mcguire

Every time I hear this it’s funny, I don’t know why…it could be the huge man crush going on between the two or potentially whenever I think of Pierre Mcguire I cant help think of his “Long Active Stick” flop on TSN’s trade center with Dutchy.

#2 – tequila and squirt

The average joe would be thinking of taking a shot of tequila and then squirting a lemon but considering there are so many flipping weirdos out there (even more so on the internet) one has to wonder if someone gets turned on from someone doing a shot of tequila then shitting there pants.

#1 – cheap hookers edmonton

Good to see my constant rambling of hookers and blow in the city of Edmonton has finally drawn some traffic to my website. Cheap hookers can be found in Edmonton and there were a couple of them who liked to hang out on the corner by my old condo. One in particular on a warm sunny day felt the desire to strut around the neighborhood in a pair of nice slacks and a bra. Why I didn’t tape it I dont know, perhaps I thought it would ruin my chances. Another one got kicked out of the liqour store across the street only to faceplant into the curb because she was to drunk to walk in high heels.

What’s a cheap hooker worth in Edmonton? Im going to go out on a limb and say a bottle a Clear Creek Ice, a nine iron, and perhaps a new pair of dentures or a razor.

Till next time peddies

I will try not to bore anyone with the details of my failure from the weekend as it usually ends up like…

Guy gets drunk, guy strikes out cause he’s to drunk, guy drinks more, guy screws up a sure thing, guy passes out , wakes up, then claims “he’s never drinking again”. I’ve probably done that more times then I’m proud to say.

Aside from the good things that took place there were a lot of bad things that probably overshadowed the drinking. Where does a guy begin? Well I suppose I could talk about Hudson’s Friday night and the most atrocious puke I’ve ever smelt in my life. I’ve witnessed a lot of puke episodes at a bar before having attended multiple 25 cent draft nights at both the (former) Corral and Cowboys, I’ve seen a guy puke down some girls shirt, some guy puke all over a bouncer, heck I’ve even managed to upchuck in my beer bottle after having one two many Tequila shots (thanks for that whole shooter tray again Trav), but I have NEVER seen someone puke in a bar and literally move an entire crowd out of it. It was one of those moments where had I had my camera it surely would of been a masterpiece seeing the crowd flock towards fresh air.

Saturday night involved the first of two trips to Oil City, nothing in particular happened inside but outside what I thought (key word “thought”) was a sure thing was tossed out the window when I and my accomplice spent the better part of the night talking to a homeless guy. By better part of night I mean we were there till close to 5 in the morning bullshitting with this guy before he went on his way. Thankfully we were fortunate to see the other side of good bum/bad bum. On one hand you feel some sympathy for one guy who hit the wall from having everything taken from him and then you have another guy who is cracked out on “rock” and wanting to buy some us. Unfortunately for him I don’t do “rock” but had he been somewhat sober he would of seen the drug dealer who pulled up beside us around 3:30 am trying to sell us some of his goods. Life must be good for him because I’m sure he was driving a BMW, you would think though as a drug dealer you would try to be a little more discrete.

But alas that wasn’t the end because we had the privilege of nearly hanging out with a crack whore and had the fun of seeing some homeless eating moldy bread. I’ll leave it at it being an “interesting night” to say the least.

Then Sunday night rolled around and yes we once again went to Oil City. Much to our surprise (and maybe the governments lame new law limiting the sale of cheap highballs) I doubt I will ever see Oil City Roadhouse that dead again if and when I’m ever there. I’ll throw it out there that there was probably no more then 200 inside the bar at any time, maybe even under 100. Regardless fun was had, maybe a little to much fun (after I scan the 30 minute video I took inside the bar Ill be sure to put up some highlights). Outside sucked and no time was wasted for most of us to head home…except for one straggler named Chaps who apparently got lost (or probably ditched due to drunkeness). Upon wondering just where the hell he was I finally got a phone call from him telling us he was in China town…to this day one still wont know why he walked up that way or even walked to my condo to begin with but he did.

Sure I walked home from Rexall through sketch town on 118 ave one night after Bar None but I have never and will never test myself walking home through China Town (most Edmonton stabbings/shootings happen in China Town, or so I was told). After being a little worried I tried calling him back after he made mention of two people following him but I couldn’t get a hold of him, so like a good friend I made breakfast for myself and waited…about 10 minutes before the alcohol took over and I passed out.

Thankfully Chaps made it home, unfortunately he had one more hurdle, with me passed out and pretty much the entire condo that hurdle was bigger then anything you will ever see at the Beijing Olympics this summer, that hurdle came in the size of scaling my balcony to try and get into my locked patio door. After actually making it up the siding he apparently spent a good deal of time knocking on the patio door and living room window before deciding it was time to kick in the door. Despite laying into my patio door no one awoke which is nice to know, considering a potential rapist, murderer, or even petty thief could have brought a battering ram and wiped me out and left us all with a case of gonnorhea. Even as I sit here with my noise canceling headphones someone could be stealing my plasma or getting ready to stab me in the back which is a nice bedtime thought.

But things turned out fine except for the rest of the day Monday and I apologize again for locking Chaps out of the house…

With that said though I hope all you assholes stay away from me for a month, I don’t think my liver nor my old man balls can handle another weekend like that anytime soon.

Aside from probably dieing of laughter seeing this I cant help but think of

“Should we pick him up”

“He’s got an Ax”

“Yeah but he’s got bud light”

Enjoy

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KRfQmWibq8A]

The real question is if anyone was smart enough to pick him up.

Walks

Ummmmmm, yeah. Words cant honestly describe what took place tonight. A fantastic evening on the balcony just living the dream harassing and creep staring the local neighborhood drinking some occasional beers loving life. Then it happened. Its one thing to sit there and watch alcoholics hit up the lucky seven liquor store or at best (like the other day) see them passed out face first into the sidewalk waiting for Mr. police officer to throw them in the drunk tank.

Today was another thing entirely. I’ve lived in Edmonton for a good 6 or so years in the same condo and over the years I’ve had the privilege of seeing all kinds of hilarity. Sure, some of you feminists and “worldly” folk probably have gripes with all this but in reality I could care less. If you like it, you like it, if you don’t, you don’t.

The fact is I’ve seen people passed out on the back hill pissing themselves, having sex, and to the lesser extent having a massive party. The massive party was hopping at least, just picture 5 shopping carts angle parked on my back hill with a 1990 ghetto blaster plugged into a parking stall blasting ACDC on the Bear FM…only to have the cops come along and ruin the party throwing all but one homeless into the paddy wagon making him fend for all 5 shopping carts. A true travesty to say the least.

I’ve been asked if I had change, which I have given out. I’ve been asked if I had smokes which I of course don’t have because I don’t smoke, and I’ve been asked if I have anything at all to which I replied “Well I have books: to which I was fortunately greeted with a “HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA, I don’t want you to be busted for plagiarism.” Bloody brilliant! Your teeth are sexy.

Sure I feel sorry for these people, they live on the streets, not being able to sleep in a bed and not being able to drink the finer lager like Lucky Seven, but the fact of the matter is in all likelihood I’ll probably be joining them in ten or so years. When I’m passed out on the back step with my shirt off sporting a big tattoo of my name across my chest you can laugh at me all you want, I give everyone the right to laugh, poke, and prod me all they want.

Tonight though, tonight was complete creepy hilarity. I feel sorry for any homeless or drunk in my eye sight because chances are I will have you dupped into being on camera and on hotstickybun. I spent the better part of the day taking photos of a guy passed out on the back hill (for 8 hours) until the gold medal came rolling in. Apparently it’s no big deal if you are homeless and change your pants in broad daylight around the corner of a building….

“CREEP”

Yeah I know.

But just watch the video on hotstickybun.com if you’re into the softest of soft core porn and don’t take offense to much.

Walks

Poverty is a real issue these days with homeless people running rampant on every street corner (at least near my neck of the woods). Hell just last year there was a beautiful homeless convoy near downtown Edmonton dubbed “Tent City”. I’m sure most can piece it together but if you can’t here’s the jist of it; homeless people set up a massive tent community in a lot close to downtown Edmonton during the summer months, there was drinking (of Listerine), smoking, stabbings, gang related warfare, and of course some heavy lusting.

Most people in the papers were upset for one of two reasons:

1: They felt bad for the homeless people and all the pain they must be suffering or
2: They felt it to be a disgrace to the city of Edmonton.

I don’t know where I fit in, I mean sure you can feel sorry for them having to sleep on the streets but when you actually do give them some money the only thing they spend it on is liquor or smokes. After having lived in the city for the last 6 years and being dupped into different schemes (“my car is out of gas and Im 10 minutes from home”) I cant help but have a little fun now a days at there expense…and I know full well I’m not alone, I’m probably just the only one who is dumb enough to document it and video tape it all.

Case in point this past Saturday night where we had the privilege of timing a homeless guy. The bet was if he could run to the street and back in under 30 seconds (or a minute) I can’t really recall, if he won he got 20 bucks if he didn’t he walked away with nothing.

Now for all you pessimists out there who will take this in a negative light he didn’t have to run, and secondly even though the video doesn’t show it we did give him some change along side the bag full of bottles.

Was it wrong? Most likely but with the way society is today at least we didn’t go down and stab him or shoot him and at the very least gave him something for his efforts. I know I’m already headed to hell but video taping bums is the least of my worries.

Walks

The video is here hotstickybun.com for all you facebook people.

Yes folks those are my friends out back who motivate me to party like its 1999. Why? Well because I’m sure they actually believe its actually 1999 but please don’t tell them, they’re just living the dream like any other good bum would do!

I apologize to all because I was late on getting dramatic images with the neighbors tag teaming the lone female in the group or at the very least peeing in the lone spruce tree out back. I guess if one cant see ones penis it’s alright to take ones leak out back….maybe thats why most men feel its alright to drop the drawers and free willy when they have the urge to break the seal.

Then again I grew up in Beaverlodge and you cant get away from the small town as I’ve seen certain broads squat outside of a god damn limo on 118th ave, I dont know what to say…

Oh yeah It’s FRIDAY!!

Dont laugh these BUMS are romantic, they dont even use protection…if that’s not romantic I dont know what is!

Walks

Ill be there soon enough Im sure, at least I got some good ideas on how to make a buck at least.

“For beer — for wine — for whisky — for hangover”