Away we go.

#10 – Beaverlodge Porn

This isnt a new search term by any means, in fact it garnered the number one spot on the last trop ten. I put it at 10 because it’s been used before but the scary thing is while only one person googled “Beaverlodge Porn” last time it has nearly tripled in search results. That means not one, not two, but three people have went out of there way to track down some Beaverlodge porno. Wow.

#9 – Oil City Porn

When I was living in Edmonton I loved Oil City…I can only imagine how much more I would of loved it if there was actually porn involved. Let’s face it though we wouldnt be involved because we’d be preoccupied with 2 dollar shooters.

#8 – Racing Bums

Apparently the video that was done has garnered some popularity. Prepare for an arrest soon.

#7 – 2009-06-23t20 02 00 0000

I’m sure this is just another random computer slang to trick google into searching for Beaverlodge Porn or any porn for that matter. I mean seriously if you seen how many hits I get through porn requests and/or nude pictures for celebrities it makes me wonder if I should just convert this site into a porno site.

#6 – is there another name for canadian geese?

Uhhh, let me ask you which weighs more…a pound of feathers or a pound of gold.

#5 – who would win in a fight? jason bourne or jack bauer

Apparently I’m not the only loser out there who actually sat and thought about this. This was just one of five similar search terms so apparently about 10 people would watch a movie about this. Get er done!

#4 – naughty girls calgary

Aren’t all girls in Calgary naughty for cheering for the Flames?

#3 – it s a double dion pierre mcguire

Every time I hear this it’s funny, I don’t know why…it could be the huge man crush going on between the two or potentially whenever I think of Pierre Mcguire I cant help think of his “Long Active Stick” flop on TSN’s trade center with Dutchy.

#2 – tequila and squirt

The average joe would be thinking of taking a shot of tequila and then squirting a lemon but considering there are so many flipping weirdos out there (even more so on the internet) one has to wonder if someone gets turned on from someone doing a shot of tequila then shitting there pants.

#1 – cheap hookers edmonton

Good to see my constant rambling of hookers and blow in the city of Edmonton has finally drawn some traffic to my website. Cheap hookers can be found in Edmonton and there were a couple of them who liked to hang out on the corner by my old condo. One in particular on a warm sunny day felt the desire to strut around the neighborhood in a pair of nice slacks and a bra. Why I didn’t tape it I dont know, perhaps I thought it would ruin my chances. Another one got kicked out of the liqour store across the street only to faceplant into the curb because she was to drunk to walk in high heels.

What’s a cheap hooker worth in Edmonton? Im going to go out on a limb and say a bottle a Clear Creek Ice, a nine iron, and perhaps a new pair of dentures or a razor.

Till next time peddies

This past week has been an absolute whirlwind and complete overload of hockey. Coaching Blades practices on Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday along with stopping pucks for the Hythe Mustangs on Wednesday and Friday all built into Lips and I’s debut behind the bench for the Blades on Saturday night. Needless to say it was an eye opening experience. As a fan and player of hundreds of games it’s extremely easy to criticize what goes on the ice. The game of hockey seems so simple to the average fan which is precisely why you have thousands of supposed experts screaming at Oilers games to “shoooooooooooot” on the powerplay. Once you actually sit down, watch, and try to strategize your opponent do you realize that game is almost entirely mental. Needless to say I have a new found respect for those coaches that receive high praise and until you sit behind a bench and partake in all the chaos that the game of hockey involves you have no say to bash any professional (or amateur) coach on the job he does.

The result we had wasnt what we wanted losing and while the score was 8 to 4 it’s a complete fabrication of how the actual game went (like most scores are). Unfortunately for us the wheels just came off on a bad penalty and before you knew it the game was over. Thankfully it’s nice to get the first game out of the way to look forward and better prepare ourselves for the next game.

Thankfully Sunday involved a day off which allowed me to catch up on some sleep and more importantly spend some glory time watching NFL football. I figured today might be the best opportunity to get a blog in about where the hell I’ve been, even some of my friends have been wondering if I moved back to Edmonton because I haven’t been spotted out and about cruising the night scene (let’s face it, there isn’t a night scene in Grande Prairie to begin with).

It’s been a fairly relaxing Sunday spent mostly on the couch and at the Coke Centre. Had to get outside at some point today considering in the next couple of days we will probably see snow which will effect my mood swings immensely. However tomorrow night it starts all over again with Blades Monday, Mustangs Tuesday, etc etc all leading up to this Friday and Saturday when we have our next two home games. Till then though Hotstickybun will be a quiet place until uncle Zim shares his thoughts on how much Grande Prairie sucks and how much Boston rules.

Finally in case I dont get a chance to update I will say that all you bums sitting at home this weekend should come on down to the Beaverlodge Arena Friday and Saturday night at 8:00 p.m, fill the stands and cheer us on…

I wont be the first to say we should have a good thing going on this winter and hopefully we can provide the results this season to prove it.

Enough of my personal health, let’s talk about what fellow hotstickybun resident Naughty organized this past weekend in Red Deer. When one hears the word stag the words booze, titties, strippers, and farewell/death come to mind.

Yes the stag is supposed to be a goodbye of sorts. No more random late night trips to the strippers, no more multiple day drunk binges (unless of course your wife is an alcoholic or you’re headed to fish camp), and most certainly no more nights composed of random hookups.

This past weekend Blades of Our Lives, The Canadian Geese, Beaverlodge Regional High, and even some Red Deers sent off another of its litter to pursue marriage this July. Yes the crop is beginning to wither but thats not to say when I turn 60 I won’t be able to hang out with all you married folks kids at a party at the “L”.

Needless to say if the stag party this past weekend is any indication of what Mike and Becky’s wedding will be like this July I think it’s a safe assumption that someone better bring a defibrillator because I’m quite confident someone will either die or taste the cold hands of alcohol poisoning. In fact I’m quite confident a couple of you this past weekend we’re close to that edge.

I have iphone pictures…some that probably shouldn’t see the light of day and others that are ridiculously blurry (exactly how most of us were seeing by the end of the night). Regardless here are some highlights and more importantly the weekend awards.

Best Drunk: Not to be confused with drunkest the best drunk award would probably have to be handed out to the groom himself Mr. Mike Peca. How he managed to stay coherent the entire night is beyond me, I’m starting to believe the guy has an iron stomach because while he can not only eat hot dogs with the best of them (see here ) he was pounding tequila shots every where we went starting at around oh 11 a.m. at the golf course. Well done sir.

Best Drunk Performance: This one is easy and if anyone even has to argue you this point I will say you probably were to drunk to remember anyways. William Wallace and the Comedian from the Bently Old Bar take mad props for this one. I knock a couple points off of the Comedian simply because he refused to (or couldn’t) play Journey’s Dont Stop Believing. I could go into great detail about Wallace’s dance moves but I’ll leave that up to him to tell you.

Drunkest Competitor: This one is a toss up between James “Rob Dog” Robinson and the Most Beautiful Man himself, David Hork. There is something to be said about guys who can pass out in the middle of party and not hear a thing. In Horks case it was on the bus full of screaming idiots and Rob dogs case it was in Naughty’s basement in the middle of pool, drinks, girls, and really a full boar party.

Best Moment: I’d argue it was the Bentley bar but I think we need to spread the love so I’ll say the best moment had to have been right before we got on the school bus where we first witnessed a near death(s) when some idiot blew a red light and just about creamed half our of our crew walking to the cheese wagon only to blow a tire moments later nearly destroying his car and another in the process. That was followed up shortly after by flustering a good looking blonde girl who was so rattled she just about hit the bus trying her hardest to get away from us slobbering drunks as quick as possible. Needless to say she missed the bus by a couple inches which could have been really bad for her and more importantly really good for us.

Best Stop: Obviously the Bentley bar solely for Wallace, the Comedian, and the fact that everyone in the bar besides us were over 50. Seeing there faces when we walked in was quite priceless, oh and did I mention at the end of the night Slap had his foot in the hot dog machine? Not a big deal because they have me a free dog in hopes of getting him out of there.

Most Valuable Player: Finally the MVP award. There were lots of competitors but this nod has to go to the organizer(s). Naughty (Moe, Slap, etc I dunno if you were involved) but major props to coming up with such a ridiculous idea, when you can say you spent your stag traveling central Alberta in a cheese wagon you should feel proud.

With stag season slowly on the back burner we now look forward to wedding season and if the stag parties have been any indication I’m quite confident anyone involved in either Muds or Peca’s wedding will surely get real drunk, suffer a sever case of gonorrhea, or in worst case scenario lose a leg and die from raccoons.

I’m sure for anyone that’s talked to me in the past couple weeks know full well how much fun all of us had at the wedding and that I feel somewhat guilty for potentially getting some of the staff at the Rimrock Hotel fired. For those that haven’t heard the jist of it is some of us were chasing some of the girls there and we ended up down in the staff basement, exactly where we’re not supposed to be. I don’t know what happened to them but after talking to one of the cooks the next morning most of the people were in a lot of trouble and probably out of work. In the words of Champ Kind, sorry about that…WHAMMY!

Regardless that was just one of a handful of stories from the Banff weekend. The majority of everything else I’d like to talk about should probably be stricken from the internet as some people from the wedding actually have careers to worry about or in worst case are in the national spotlight from time to time.

This past weekend was supposed to be a change of pace and a chance for me to detox before I headed to Calgary for the Stampede…what really happened is something I’m almost ashamed to talk about.

The reunion was good, I’ll be the first to admit that it was a little disappointing more people didn’t have the chance to show up so I could tell them about what I was up to now a days. For those that didn’t get that chance and read this (and I know there are a few) its simple. I’m doing the same thing I was doing in High School just a little fatter, a little drunker, and probably a lot more immature. For anyone that did talk to me that night (or the next morning for that matter) I to apologize, that wasn’t a foreign language I was speaking just jibberish due to intoxication.

Despite all the glory that the reunion was things took a turn for the worse the next day when I was supposed to go home as it seems I got caught up drinking a morning beer (or 10) and ended up at Brocko’s house for supper. The steaks were glory town, the corn was overcooked, and to tell you the truth I dont know what else we ate aside from a bottle of sour puss and Jose Cuervo (thats Spanish for Tequila). In honor of High School Ill put this into a simple math equation with a solution:

Draft Beer all morning + Sour Puss + Jose Cuervo + Red Wine = A sexy naked party.

I know what you’re thinking and yes for some bright reason the party ended up being naked. I’m still shaking my head. I’m shaking my head as I’m writing this and Ill be shaking my head as I continue to tell the story this week to everyone down south…after all as embarrassing as it was to showcase this healthy computer screen glow it still was fairly hilarious.

But that was the jist of what I remember from the reunion. I dont think anyone hooked up for old times sake but it was in true high school fashion where the ratio was about 10 guys to 1 girl and every girl is either married or dating one of the guys there.

Hopefully this upcoming weekend at the Calgary Stampede will result in a little better odds and a lot less male nudity.

Walks

200 students and other teens celebrate end of school term with outdoor orgy
Posted by Mark Frauenfelder, March 27, 2008 2:29 PM | permalink

The Telegraph reports that 70 students from the Queen Elizabeth School in Kirkby Lonsdale, Cumbria, were joined by over 100 other youths to celebrate an end of term party by “having unprotected sex in a village square.”

Alison Hughes, the deputy head of the Queen Elizabeth School in Kirkby Lonsdale, Cumbria, was so concerned that she detailed the “catalogue of disasters” in a two-page letter to parents, warning them about the sexual activity, violent behaviour and alleged drug abuse that took place.She wrote: “We have had to help a disturbingly high number of girls through the aftermath of having unprotected sex that evening, most of whom have told us they were too drunk to be in control of themselves. The risks are real. Assume the worst.”

Neil Taplin, the landlord of the nearby George and Dragon pub, said that youths had urinated against his wall and sworn at him when he refused to sell them cigarettes. “They were a law to themselves,” he said. “It was upsetting for people in the village. We are all quite close and look out for each other.”

A resident involved in the clean-up said that she saw evidence of drug use, blood stains and broken glass and said that a newly fitted sink had been smashed.

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It’s one thing to have sex with 40 women in a night but jeez man like Condom Pope John Pole says at the top of this website”Dont be a Fool, Wrap Your Tool”, there is nothing worse then having to pee fire for a good amount of time and you certainly don’t want to have to berate yourself to a cotton swabbing. Yes it is uncomfortable but the worst part is having a male doctor play with your genitalia, do yourself a favour and buy a Costco pack of condoms, they are available in 50, 75, 100, or the value pack of 200. If you plan on pushing multiple class ending orgies your best value is with the 200 box.

That or stick to anal.

Walks