Where I’ve Been

Well the last few weeks have been terribly busy for this guy but I’m slowly starting to round back into some sense of normalcy. I suppose what really set me behind the 8 ball was drawing up a slideshow for some good friends for their wedding…not in your boring typical “pictures flash while music plays in the background” though. This one was done in a style similar to A&E Biography. A story was written and told by our voiceover guy and of course the hard part was tracking down the celebrities so they could share there words about both Sean and Joline Willsey. That was one project.

Add in a few to many trips to Fort McMurray, a beautiful stretch of weather in Grande Prairie, and moving into a new house and you have yourself few hours in a day to actually sit down and do something productive. Who am I kidding, writing on this website is far from productive, thus the neglect for it.

I also have what feels like a bajillion websites needing to be finished. Two down, only about 6 more to go.

Light at the end of the Tunnel

On the flip side I have manged to pick away at HSB’s new layout and features. The front page is done and now move towards finishing up the author pages (although I may not need them if I have no authors correct), a new media section for pictures and videos, and of course the new craze that I’m sure we will all love in the future…Hotstickybun’s Drunken Phone Number. Yes that’s right, I’ve got a phone number (American at the moment, working on a Canadian one) where you can dial in to leave HSB a message proclaiming just how ripped you really are. Have had a couple people demoing it the last couple months and here are some samples of what I’ve had the priviledge to deal with

Only drawback right now is it has to be tied to an American number which I am working on getting one for both the U.S and Canada. If your one of the few people that would like to demo this by all means send me a message on Twitter or Facebook and I’ll send you the number.

Launch

Hoping to have this released to the general public full time when the site is re-released come late Summer or early fall. Depending on it’s success, for example lots of people call it, I’ll possibly be picking the five best messages monthly to be voted on and give away some prizes…needless to say start spreading the word and talk to me or any of the other HSB locals and they will hook you up with the number.

Till next time.

My Top 10 Reasons It’s Gotta Suck To Be a Girl

Ok so maybe it’s a little harsh and maybe I’m doing it so we can get some members of the opposite sex come onto this website and tell us all to shut up. It doesn’t matter though, hotstickybun is reaching new heights and it starts by somehow getting girls involved, whether it be by complimenting there features or insulting them we have to try to do something for the love of GOD, if I have to dress up Big Show in a Bikini to attract women to this website I’ll do it.

Ok so away we go.

Although simulated, women age far worse then men

Number 10 – The Aging Process

I had a tough time putting this at number ten considering later in life it will end up being a huge issue to a lot of women but for teh vast majority of females who visit this website (3-4) age isn’t a factor right now. Men do tend to age a little better than women do because of their thicker skin caused by their male hormones. This causes fewer wrinkles and keeps their skin looking younger for longer. However, there is also evidence to suggest that women sometimes do age better than men, though generally it is not as substantial as research showing men aging better than women.

It all depends upon the individual, how much sun exposure the person has had, how many years a person has smoked, if at all and how much exercise a person does. All of these things contribute towards the aging process and women who do not smoke, do not expose their body’s to the sun too often, and who eat healthily and exercise regularly, often age just as well as men, if not better. So overall it depends on the individual but men have been proven to age better than most women.

Pretty women 15-35 have the world at their knees, but after that…men usually have the last laugh.

Makeup looks good but it sure takes long

Number 9 – It takes time

On the flip side of the aging process women have multiple options at their disposal to cover up wrinkles and other skin imperfections but again for some men this is a huge pain in the ass. While it takes some women upwards of an hour (and more) to get ready it often takes a good sensed logical man anywhere from 10 to 30 minutes to get ready…30 being utterly extreme.

This past summer I par took in Mr. and Mrs Perrins wedding and thanks in large part to being hungover I was late en route to Beaverlodge. Thankfully with my male skills I managed to shower, wash my hair, brush my teeth, get into dress clothes, and be out the door in 5 minutes (I believe it was approx. 4 and a half minutes). Now show me a woman who can do that and I will be forever in blue jeans.

Crying, one of many emotions

Number 8 – Emotions

Everyone has cried at one point in their lives but the majority of women out there (with the aid of mother nature) often can’t keep there emotions in check. Throw alcohol into the mix and it often at times gets worse. Any guy will tell you he can’t count how many times he has seen girls crying at bars because guys were being douches or that girl is just to emotional to begin with.

Let’s not forget all that post breakup/marriage stuff. Of course it swings both ways but more often then not when a girl gets dumped she spends the next month mulling over what happened and how much of an asshole her ex is, how much she still loves him, or how she can win him back. A guy on the other hand gets dumped he calls his buddies, gets drunk, and then heads out on the prowl to try and find his next girlfriend.

Number 7 – Social Expectations

No one looks good with a lot of junk in the trunk, love handles, double chin duckfaces, etc. Me Especially. But in today’s sexist society it is far more important for a woman to be skinny then a man. It’s almost as if you’re not a skinny model you should be living in a dungeon and not showing your face in public. Everywhere you look whether it be in People magazine, on a billboard, a newspaper ad etc, 99% of the time it involves a skinny person. Heck what’s even worse advertisements involving fast food are always surrounded by skinny people. I suppose though they can’t say “Hey eat McDonalds and you’ll become a tank”.

Number 6 – Reputations

A guy sleeps with multiple girls he’s considered a hero, a girl sleeps with a bunch of dudes she’s considered a slut. What’s worse is her friends usually agree. This is one concept I’ve never fully understood. Why is it a guy can enjoy himself with multiple partners but a girl can’t. I think if one likes bumping uglies, regardless of gender, do it and enjoy it.

Number 5 – Peeing

OK girls lets face it, how many of you out there dont wish you were a guy specifically for this reason alone? If there is one thing about being a guy that is sweet it’s the ability to pee anywhere in the world efficiently and effectively. Whether it be the side of the road of an interstate mid afternoon or off the bow of a boat it is so much easier to pee.

I’ve seen some girls try to imitate the stand up pee with some success but it was weird to say the least. Picture a girl in the mens bathroom with her boyfriend peeing in a urinal standing up.

Food for thought.

Number 4 – PMS

There comes a time usually once a month when nature takes its course. I won’t dive into specifics because we all know what I’m talking about. Rage, red rivers, and being uncomfortable are just the tip of the ice berg. As guys when a girl is being cranky we usually pawn it off saying “Oh she must be PMSing”.

Number 3 – Giving Birth

I can’t comprehend what it’s like to squeeze something about the size of a watermelon through the size of a hole small enough (insert derogatory comment here to win!) ______________. I cant help but almost laugh a little at all the shitty bad luck girls have when it comes to mother nature. PMS is bad but this one is the worst. Sure when your baby is born it makes it worth while I’m sure. But carrying around extra weight for 9 months, the labour process, the hormones, etc etc.

Then here you have us guys who plant our seed and we’re done with the whole child birth process, figuratively speaking.

Number 2 – Mr. PAP

While some men will consider gynacology a hobby of theirs most women would probably stay home rather then attend there check up. Yet no matter what for the most part this has to happen. The thought of having some cold instrument shoved up my pee hole is making me cringe. Thankfully that only happens when one is unsafe and deals with she males and $5 hookers from Edmonton.

Sex with men has to be terrible and repulsive

Number 1 – Sex

Finally the number one reason why it sucks to be a girl.

Sex.

Not just one thing about but a whole bunch of factors. First off all men are gross. Some have hair growing where it shouldn’t, others smell of bad BO, and worse yet our sex organ is the penis (wang, tally whacker, schlong, johnson, etc.) That right there just screams “NASTY”.

Then of course if you deal with that you’re left with having to deal with the actual act of sex. What if the “size” is to small, what if by chance he doesn’t know how to crank some dials, and worst yet…what if it’s over in a minute? These are all things that women are faced with and usually stumble upon daily. If your girlfriend isn’t wanting sex, well it means she is either in her monthly cycle or you just flat out suck at doing the deeds.

On the other hand as guys…

Sex is good regardless of size, length, or time. The end result always feels the same whether it lasts 2 minutes or two hours.

Of course if you’re like all of us at HSB you really can’t listen to what I’m saying because we dont have sex anyway. We’re all strict catholics.

Syyyyyyyyyke (yeah Im bringing that back into pop culture)

I loooove being a guy.

The Middle Fingerderci, the Trilogy Golf Course had the last laugh

The Morning

Hard to believe that this morning was really only our second morning on the trip. Wednesday we spent a lot of time at the pool working on our Italian and creep staring before getting sun burnt and catching up on the Don Cherry story entitled Keep Your Head Up Son. Today was really our first attempt of actually doing some physical activity. We crashed early Wednesday night and awoke late Thursday morning, there were rumours that we were in for Thunderstorms and heavy wind but those turned out to be false. That in turn brought some great news as we awoke and eventually cracked some beers in anticipation of a great day.

Little did the other two know just what it is they were in store for.

If there is one thing I’ve learnt golfing over the years it’s how much a persons game can change when you’re faced with different elements. In Alberta we’re dealt with trees, water, and on most days wind, where as down south it’s ridiculous rough that doesn’t allow you to find a ball, heavy sun, and of course sand, sand, sand, and more sand. While I don’t claim to be a pro by any means I am a seasoned veteran when it came to golfing Trilogy so regardless of what happens with my game I’m usually just happy to get through it with only losing a couple of balls. I’m quite sure Stilly was ready to kill somebody or at the very least walk down into a wash and find a rattlesnake to step on.

Beer Cart Broadjourno

With most men (maybe women I dunno) when you’re having a bad game you can always fall back on hope that despite shanking it into the tulies you see the beer cart girl on the next hole and realize that there’s more important things then finding that ball, like buying 6 beer so you can forget about your score and more importantly what it is you’re doing to suck so much ass at golf. Today that never happened.

We can take solace that she was extremely hot but when men only get one round of drinks in an 18 hole golf game it’s safe to assume that you suck at your jobjourno. If there is one thing that balances out a bad golf game it’s enjoying 18-20 barley pops to numb the pain.

The Gieco Gecko Sold Us Insurance

Mallory

It’s one thing not to have beers but to have that son of a bitch Geico Gecko throw us a sales bitch on the seventh hole is another. We get it, your insurance rates are superb and it’s so easy a caveman can do it. But we’re Canadians and I think cavemen are ugly.

So That’s It

Pretty uneventful day. I wish I wasn’t here typing this but I can’t sleep because my face and legs are sunburnt and it stings a little. The good news about today is we can finally go and pick up another flat each at Safeway tomorrow because we’ve managed to drink 60 beer already. If there is one thing we all will take away from this trip it’s going to be an extra 20lbs. It’s one thing to drink beer all day every day, its another entirely to have turkey for dinner only to be pounding nachos, cheese, and ground beef 3 hours later…WITH BEER.

Anyways tomorrow is Friday, it’s supposed to be in the mid 80’s, which should mean more sunburns and plenty more beer to be drank. Till tomorrowderci.

Oh yeah before I forget be sure to enjoy the latest video I added, it should be a good intro to a site we talked about last summer called Whack Fuck Golf.

The Beer Fridge Is Ready, 3 Flats, 60 bucks.

The Morning

Being in an airport most of yesterday made things a little tough so we tried to calm our nerves with an early morning breakfast consisting of bacon, eggs, toast, and of course beer and Motts Clamatojourno. It was a sharp start to the day and Stilly never suffered the after effects like the previous day when he enjoyed a five meat skillet in Edmonton. The battle shits competition in the Edmonton Airport should never be talked about but in all honesty it was to close to call so we will be uploading a photo finish for the fans to declare a winner.

Back on topic.

Our hostess for the week had said she wasn’t going to buy us any more beer because we had to finish what was left of the Coors Light in the fridge. My first thought was we would probably have our hands full but I quickly sobered up and realized that we’re alcoholics and no matter what the population of beer in the fridge it would be gone that night. Sure enough two lone soldiers remained the next morning which were promptly KO’d through breakfast.

With no army to back us we had to find some recruits. Thus our next stop would be the local Safeway. Now if you’ve never had the priviledge of visiting the United States your liver is probably a lot better off but if you have you know full well what I’m talking about. No matter how many times I’ve been here it still brings a giddy school girl laugh to think I can buy a flat of beer (bottles) for under 20 bucks. It quickly became apparent that our philosophy was to buy one each and prepare for war…the battle lines had been drawn. Bud Light vs Miller Lite vs the seasoned vet, Budweiser. I’m not entirely sure who’s winning but it can’t be Bud Light because Im sitting here typing this trying to make everyone feel a little less happy.

Zims Chiling By the Pooladerci

The Afternoon

Not wanting to feel like slobs most of the day it felt right to get some exercise in. Off to the swimming pool we went, next to the 3 flats of beer being 60 bucks the second greatest news of the day was that you could now get waited on while soaking. A brisk 20 minute walk, a quick tour around the complex, a shriek from some of the ladies by the pool when I removed my shirt, and we then commenced to soaking with a beer in hand.

Being the complete creep he is it didn’t take Stilly long to spot what is now being dubbed as “Momjourno”, better known to people who aren’t fluent in Italian as a MILF. Endless hours of creep staring and wondering is she actually checking us out lead Stilly to lean over and say “It seems like she is always looking over here, is she checking us out or maybe she’s just catching me creep staring”, to which I responded “No Stilly, it just looks that way because she has sunglasses on.” That didn’t stop us from feverishly watching her adjust her massive boobjournos…we’re quite confident we seen some tan lines and a nipple.

At 3pm however her 6 and 14 year old had to leave because of the strict pool curfew…away she went leaving us bonerjournoed in the pool never to see her again. Typical broad! Tease!

Thankfully we closed down the pool with last call and proceeded to stumble home.

Miller Lite's By The Pool

The Evening

Which leads us to this moment. After having pounded many hot dogs and hamburglers we kicked back to par take in the ever so popular (and liver killer) sunset. It’s 7:45 pm Phoenix time and the war has just began to reach it’s climatic peak. The battle lines have been drawn and the chemical warfare has began, striking first it was Stilly who just blew a burp into my face. I will answer with some arrividerci gas.

The Sun has set, the crickets are cricketing, we’re listening to some really weird music with the desert dogs howling in the background at some cranky owl.

Breaking NEWS Stilly is sun burnt.

All in all it was a pretty enjoyable first day. That being said it was only the first day. Tomorrow involves much of the same with a side plate of golfaderci. Many balls will be lost, many beers will be drank, and you can sure as hell bet the poor golf cart girl will be creep stared heavily only to tease us and leave us with golf pant bonerjournos.

BROAD!

Till Next time.

PS: It’s Miller Time

the Idiots Have Taken Over

Whether you believe it or not, the Idiots Have Taken Over

Here We Go Again

I don’t know if I would say I’m getting political again but I’m pissed again at society. There is a reason I don’t watch the evening news because it always represents the bad and focuses in on the shit. Tonight in Vancouver some man was attacked for no apparent reason and beaten over the head with a mallet, if not for the heroics of a woman he would probably be dead. No one knew the reasoning for the attack but there is a strong possibility there was no reason.

Years back when I was living in Edmonton my cousins hubby was enjoying his time down on Whyte Avenue after partaking in an epic concert at Rexall place. It was towards the end of the night when he was standing outside of Winks when he was beaten in the back with a baseball bat. Eventually the police got involved and much to there surprise they had told them that it was the 8th record of it happening that night. Turns out it was apparently some sort of initiation.

Some sort of initiation? An initiation that involves beating innocent people, male and female, for no apparent reason? Why? I’m the biggest idiot when it comes to toilet humor (this website showcases that strongly) but how in the world can someone find that “funny”? I’ve done some ridiculous things in my life that I regret and probably will the rest of my life but something like that is beyond idiocy and it worries me quite frequently to what we are walking into in the future. It’s becoming more and more frequent in today’s society that people are pulling shit like this because it’s supposed to be funny when in truth the only funny thing about is how much of an idiot they are for thinking so.

Sadly that was only one of MANY stories I could talk about. The same thing happened in an LRT station where a man was beaten nearly to death for no reason. Another man was pushed onto the tracks just missing a train as it arrived.

Something so small, yet much bigger

We've been Idiots for many years

Yet here we are shaking our heads at things like murder, assault, robbery, etc. and when we look to our apparent leaders in charge they are committing the same atrocities…and for what, religion? Oil? More Money? Are things getting any better? Probably not.

Now I’m not one to weigh in one the “War on Terrorism” because I don’t ever try to pretend I know what’s going on. I dont agree with one side or the other. Both sides have killed each other, innocents, and committed mass genocide throughout the process. And still it spreads through it’s countries people that anyone associated with the opposition is evil! I read this earlier today:

I was a 24 year old medical student in the US before deciding I wanted to see a bit of the world before I got old. I went to a youth hostel in New Delhi during summer break while waiting for a friend from law school in the the US to meet me there., In four days the owners of the guest house, who were clearly dealing heroine, decided that they did not trust me, did not like Americans, and drugged the coke I was drinking (the skin under my fingernails turned purple/blue and I got really sleepy) then they surrounded me and dropped me off their balcony which is about 2o feet (more than 6 meters) from the ground. I woke up in the Apollo hospital with a spinal cord injury and a serious skull fracture. I was airlifted back to the US to receive further surgery and I can, by Grace of God, walk now but my life will never be the same.

The question remains, as a Canadian or American would you feel nervous with a Muslim flying on a plane with you? It’s the way the world is now. No one can trust each other and we certainly don’t respect one another.

The Future

I’m often asked (jokingly) if I will ever settle down, get married, and have kids to which I more often respond “nope”. Maybe I will slip up or change my mind but to this day I don’t think it will happen. Perhaps I’m over exaggerating but when one sees what is happening in the world with the pollution, war, and disrespect for another why would you want to put one of your kids through something so shitty that’s about to happen. Society is so messed up now and it won’t get any better in the near future, money runs the Government, the people in charge get richer, so why would the people in power change to begin with?

NOFX

Never Trust A Hippy

It’s funny because a lot of the other things people find weird about me is my ever growing collection of punk rock (if that’s what its called, there’s to many names of punk rock, who cares) music I collect and listen to. One band in particular is NOFX who I’ve listened to I think since Philly introduced them to me on my way back to Calgary one summer. It’s something about this type of genre of music that I relate to and perhaps why I spend a lot of time listening to it. More so maybe it’s the reason for this epic rant.

Like any good punk rock band they have there ridiculous songs (see Liza & Louise – a great song about lesbianism) but they also have a strong voice when it comes to such big things like war and politics, as all great punk rock bands did (example, the Ramones). One song in particular, and the one I’ve named this nonsense about is Idiots Are Taking Over.

Why? Well when I listen to the song and read/watch the news it puts everything into perspective about how the idiots are actually taking over. As our society continues to evolve and invent amazing new technologies we still feel the urge to not share our knowledge with others. Would it be so hard to work together to achieve something as great as colonizing the Moon or another planet like Mars? Why is it important for the U.S, Russia, and China to all have separate space programs when if they all worked as one they would probably reach their goal faster?

Would it be so hard to respect one another?

I dont know.

What I do know is there are to many idiots making idiot decisions.

The Idiots Are Taking Over

it’s not the right time to be sober
now the idiots have taken over
spreading like a social cancer, is there an answer?

the idiots are takin over [x8]

Epic Typography Video

Yet when the opposite sex isn’t able to enter our domain it seems as a species us males tend to lose all that we have learned. I of course am talking about our private sanctionary….the Men’s Washroom.

Ladies this is what a Men's Restroom often looks like

Why

It’s pretty simple. Why? Why do we put ourselves through such hell. Do you not flush your toilets when your at home? Of course you do, so why is it no one wants to flush in a public restroom? I’ve seen so many things this past year alone that is enough to make me think twice about ever using a public restroom again. Saturday night at the Crown and Anchor was the culmination in all things wrong with what happens in the Men’s Washroom, but I’ll get to that a little later.

What I can’t understand is our thought process when it comes to visiting the washroom. My first experience with a night club washroom left a negative impact on me and perhaps that’s why I am writing this right now. I was at the late great Thunderdome in Edmonton, I had just turned 18 and was enjoying a night out on the town after having spent a fantastic evening in a luxury suite at Rexall place. Things we’re good…at least they were until I had to take a piss at the bar. Needless to say I enter the washroom and find all the urinals full. I proceed to the toilets.

Door number 1 had toilet paper welted on the seat with some healthy leftovers from someones dinner (puke) also on that same toilet seat.
Door number 2 had essentially the same repertoire but the leftovers were from the exit, not the entry like the first one.
Finally door number 3. I had taken Mrs. Swanson’s science class years before and had passed with honors so I knew all about the surface tension effect (for those of you who failed, think of how water tends to rise above the rim of the glass without spilling over). This was one science experiment that we never tried, most of the time we used liquids such as water…not urine. That’s right, door number 3 involved the surface tension experiment of urine in a toilet.

After opting out on using the toilets I decided on the urinals which werent a lot better and Im quite confident I spent the rest of the evening trying not to continue to break the seal.

Would you sit on it?

Not Near as Bad

After having gone through that episode at the Thunderdome to putting up with the smell of urine in the men’s washroom at Oil City in Edmonton I thought I had seen it all…but then last night came around. I had heard horror stories of the the bathroom at the Crown and Anchor a few times but wasn’t overly offended my first visit there. After last night I will never look at a toilet or that bathroom the same way.

Traumatizing Pee Break #1

Was going pretty well. I strolled in for a leisurely piss at the urinal. A guy entered behind and was about to wait in line before he seen the toilet stall door open. Upon entering he gagged, turned around, and told me not to look in there. Being an idiot curiosity got the best of me and I peaked my head through the door to see a steaming pile of shit somehow magically placed on the back corner of the toilet seat. How…I don’t know, more importantly why? What would posses anyone to miss that wide gaping whole by that much. Seeing someone shit in the tank at the lions den wasn’t nearly as bad as this. I felt sorry for one who was stuck cleaning up that mess.

Traumatizing Pee Break #2

Using my better judgment I refused to enter the bathroom stall and waited for one of the urinals to free up. The guy on the left was pissing…the guy on the right I originally believed had passed out against the wall while he was taking a piss. Boy oh boy how I wished that were the case. Instead I clued in at the last moment that this guy was pulling the goalie…that or he just had the most orgasmic and fulfilling pee imaginable. That’s right, to top my night off I, along with another guy, had to wait in line to piss while one guy worked his way up and reached fruition.

Creepy no?

Sit on this toilet and you will wind up with the Clap

Please Help!!!

The next time you use a public washroom, especially one in a night club can you at least be considerate enough to follow some of these simple rules.

1. Flush – No one wants to experiment with how high the urine level can get. Not to mention we don’t need to deal with the smell of leftover pee in a toilet. As men we stink enough.

2. Hit the Bowl! – Not the side, not on the floor, not on your pants. If your that drunk where you can’t pee straight then you should probably head home.

3. Hit the Bowl 2! – Same thing, just not with urine, more so the brown stuff.

4. Use it Properly – That means use the equipment as it was intended. Don’t think you’re funny by filling the toilet water tank up with shit. Someone still has to clean that.

5. Wash Your Hands – It amazes me to see how many guys use public bathrooms, make a mess, and touch broadjournos all while not washing their hands after being in some scuzzy bathroom.

6. Don’t Be Lazy – This more so refers to the home toilet but can be applied to other toilets flushed round the world. Clean it. There is a reason your toilet gets disgusting, it’s because you let it get disgusting. Clean it once a week and even girls will use it.

I wonder what its like on the other side

Perhaps if any females haven’t been scared off from this yet they can comment on if the sanctionary of the females bathroom is any different, or do girls actually keep the bathrooms clean enough…they would have to wouldn’t they? We have the privilege of standing up to pee so I would think women would be considerate and far more trained to keep things civilized in there. I think every Mustang can be in agreement that the ladies bathroom upstairs next to our dressing room and ping pong table is a lot more comfortable then the mens. Both clean but the girls smells better.

Still I’d like to find out for sure if the other side is as repulsive as us…if they keep things clean Im sure at some point I will get thrown out of a bar for refusing to use the men’s washroom.

It just has to be, there is no way a girl would leave a steaming turd on the toilet seat. Why? Well It’s simple really.

GIrls dont poop.