The first weekend of spring/summer (more or less the time when the snow is supposed to be away) is upon us. Every year thousands of people do a happy dance in anticipation that they can finally shed those winter clothes and that pasty white skin to embark on their first, and possibly only, camping trip of the year. Sounds like a whole heck of a lot of fun. If you’re oblivious to most of your surroundings it usually is a smashing good time. Let’s face it though…how many times in the past 5-10 years has your May Long been ruined?

Now I’m not knocking May Long Weekend but living in Canada, especially northern Alberta, it’s become apparent that we need to wait one more weekend before embarking out into the wilderness, here’s why.

The Weather

It seems every year mother nature has a smiling face on us to start the week forecasting weather in the mid 20′s chalk full of sunshine only to be a huge skank changing her mind and literally deciding to “make it rain” (see how I did that) or at the worst dump a load of snow on top of all us happy campers. I’m fairly confident since I’ve been involved in May Long festivities I can count on one hand how many times the weather has cooperated. Perhaps the best weekend was cut short due to rain and it in turn resulted in four a breast inside a tent cuddling for warmth and getting dumped on hanging out with Luke, Leia, Han, R2, C3P0, and of course Chewy. Don’t ask. This weekend appears to be no different as the forecast is now predicting rain for most of the weekend. Then again it’s a weather man, does anyone listen to them?

The Fire Ban

I understand that most people will probably disobey this order this weekend but it’s the thought that counts. A province wide fire ban is in effect so for anyone who wants to follow the rules it could make for some chilly chilly nights. I suppose that’s what winter clothes, -40 sleeping bags, and baileys and hot chocolate/coffee are for but this isn’t supposed to be winter remember? It’s the first weekend of no snow, sunshine, and revealing clothing (do girls wear slut clothes in the bush?). For those that do spark the wildfire be on the lookout for fish cops as they will love to slap you with a $1500 fine, fish cops don’t get to write a whole heck of a lot of tickets so when it’s high season to do so they will. I’ve seen it, and being the jerk I am I never helped pay the ticket. In my defense I forgot and no one asked.

Drunk Injury

I haven’t had the privilege par-taking in May Long in sometime now and maybe things have changed (doubt it) but every year because of the anticipation of nice weather and the build up of everyone having such an awesome time someone usually ends up in the ditch or on the sidelines with something broken. I’ve been witness to broken fingers, wrists, ankles, toes, backs, and even hearts (the worst) through the years and despite being old as hell I’m going to go out on a limb and say things haven’t changed one bit, young people have more money so more of them quad, dirt-bike, and act like they should when they’ve been drinking. Despite the years of all those MADD ads telling me alcohol impairs your judgement I think May Long made me actually believe it.

Overcrowded

OK so I suppose this depends on where you go but there is a good chance with all those other people getting psyched to camp you stand a good chance at partaking in a vicious cock fight for camping space and camping supremacy. On the other hand if there isn’t a chance to duke it out with complete strangers you can always resort back to throwing down with some of your best buddies either for fun or because your sick of the look on his face.

and finally