Undoubtedly if you have lived in GP or at the very least been to a party at one of our houses you probably have had the unfortunate privilege of par taking in a sausage party or one that ultimately ended in one. I’m not proud to admit it and we’ve tried on more occasions then not to try and equal the ratio but when you live in a city that the men already heavily out weigh the girls in population and you repeat the ten problems I’m about to suggest you’re bound to spend nights in a cesspool of dong.

For those of you who don’t know what a “Sausage Party” is:

A f**kin’ boring party where theres no possibility of having sex because the penises outnumber the bearded clams.

Ever been to a party with a conspicuously high proportion of male attendants? Chances are if you have been to college, (or if you play video games, follow the careers of Starfleet officers, or speak Elvish) the answer is yes. If you want to avoid one there are at the very least tons of other reasons but here are ours…

#10 – Getting the job done

Dont make excuses, just get it done.

#9 – Lose some weight

Competition is fierce. No one wants to hang out with obese people, it brings there social status down. 8s, 9s, and 10s rarely have a large friend in their photos. Why? Because they dump them like a bad habit like they will you if you’re being a tank.

#8 – Don’t Be Cheap

In this town where Oil is a crude b!tch (notice how I did that?) you need to spend the dough and play bobby big wheel. Everyone likes money and everyone likes spending money. If you dont have any expect to spend a lot of lonely nights pounding potato chips.

#7 – Don’t be unemployed

To touch up on that you probably need a job to have money.

#6 – Be Good At Something

Not good sorry, be great! Stop being mediocre at every sport or activity you play and focus on becoming a champion. Our hockey teams lose all the time…Charlie Sheen would tell you that if you’re not #winning you fail at life. Whether it be hockey, golf, academics, hell even popping a couple dingers every slo-pitch game will help you out in the long run.

#5 – Dont be loser drunk

Most of us like hitting the sauce but it impairs your ability to have a conversation. Sure it gives you confidence but women in this town get hit on 23854 times a night and 90% of those are from some drunk retard. Not to mention even if you do manage to wheel being bombed you don’t want to have to worry about the potential of whisky dong.

#4 – Don’t be a creep

Pretty self explanatory. Stop staring, drooling, and/or grab assing. Also if a few women actually decide to show up to your sausage party don’t crowd them like you’re the paparazzi and she’s Lindsey Lohan.

#3 – Don’t talk about hockey (or sports)

For one girls don’t care about hockey and secondly we’re not good at hockey. No one cares what’s wrong with your game or your team because the fact of the matter is you’re both shitty.

#2 – Don’t argue about hockey (or sports)

This one had to go second because usually when the conversation sparks about hockey it ultimately ends in some argument where no one can get a word in. Again, we suck at hockey. STOP IT. What you need to do is shock her with your views on life.

#1 – Don’t talk to them at all

Buck up! #2 and #3 usually result in no one talking to the poor lass who has decided on her better judgment to hang out with you (us). Instead let’s get cranky when she leaves to go hang out with her friends, get tipsy, dance the night away, and possibly enjoy some late night casual fornication.

With that said maybe I should now take my own advice.