Black Taco

Or should I say Merry Xmas. This seems like an odd day to be writing a blog but it is Christmas and I do have ample time to kill before I start drinking alcoholic beverages to celebrate whatever it is Christmas is all about. Family? Presents? Egg Nog? The birth of Christ? For some unfortunate souls Christmas is about getting and receiving socks and underwear. For me it’s all about the food, the beer, and wearing sweat pants for the next couple days. Under those sweat pants could be perhaps the grossest thing ever created…white undies.

Sure she looks good now, but those panties are stained!

White underwear. The bane of all evil. Forget the fact that I think underwear in general is one of thee most wrank things going. Here you have the smell and sweat of someones privates parading around in a thin layer of cotton. All those model pictures you see? Did you realize that they photoshop the stink lines and stains out of those?

Throw the color white into the equation and you’re in for an unpleasant surprise. In your shorts you have the possible combination for all the colors of the rainbow.

I know I’m not the only who feels this way towards this horrific site. Just the other day we we’re talking about the movie Top Gun and the scene where “Maverick” aka Tom Cruise had just lost his wingman and buddy “Goose”. Then in a classic sexy 80’s scene we get to have our pants explode seeing Cruise parade around in the worst brand of Hanes underwear ever made. Waste high tighties = an explosion of all goodness.

Cruise trying to be sexy in tightie whites

But it’s not just movie stars that wear the sexy white underwear, a couple months ago our good friend Seal was displaying his pair of cotton boxer briefs. On the outside a couple ratty holes and on the inside a tredmark. “I wear them for work” he says…the real question is why do you wear them at all?

Does anyone out there find white underwear attractive? Better yet is underwear sexy at all?

Why am I writing this? I don’t know. It’s Christmas morning and I’m ever so patiently waiting for breakfast and upon waking this morning I seen the horror that is WHITE UNDERWEAR. Yes friends I have yet to do laundry and the last remaining pair in my dresser drawer was white. I debated about it for awhile but figured it’s probably better wearing the horrendous underwear as opposed to going commando in sweat pants around your family.

I apologize to anyone who just ate or is about to eat. The thought of skid marks, pubic hairs, and blood stains in ones underwear isn’t a great memory on Christmas.

Regardless…MERRY CHRISTMAS, I hope everyone enjoys their socks and underwear and will be very thankful if the gift giver sticks to dark colors.