Even though our favorite website is well known for sexually explicit comments and dry, sarcastic humor, I wanted to start this article off the right way. I want us all to take a moment to honor the men and women who have given the ultimate sacrifice for the sake of our freedom. They are the reason I’m allowed to be sitting here, hungover and tired as shit writing to you all. Lest we forget.

After one more tedious night of drinking everyones favorite, the Captain, I have something to get off my chest. I had many comments and laughs over a small section in my last article where I describe the problem with society: douchebags. Now to give credit where credit is due, many of those lines were ripped from Family Guy, but none the less, tan isn’t a skin color…it’s a lifestyle. And yes Walks, that dude has bed-head. He is the underachiever every girl want to sleep with.To be blatantly honest, I can’t believe I’m sitting here giving DB’s airtime, but i think we can all use a good laugh in expense of someone’s lack of self confidence. Oh, and for all the labia’s sitting reading this, you will get yours. Revenge is a bitch.

Here at The Bun, we are all about positive reinforcement and global knowledge of others like us. I have to throw the shout out of the month to our friends over at http://www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com/. Please guys, copy that into your URL and take a look. Finally, an entire website dedicated to exposing the f$%^@!* hoax these people are. Be sure to check out the hall of scrote and hall of hott, as well the daily updates and photos. Just don’t have a gun/knife/acid/any dangerous object near when you are viewing. If you value your computer and/or your life, you will listen. Soon you will either want throw your PC out a moving car onto a bed of nails or staple your eyelids shut due to anger/frustration.

I have no idea when the DB phase began, but I have a strong inkling, that, like everything else wrong with this shit hole world we live in, is the doing of Gary Bettman. Lets all pause for a slow clap for who is, and will forever be, the biggest douchebag of them all. Thanks Gary for ruining hockey; Tiger Woods’ scrotum is now bigger and more universally showcased than the NHL. As many of you read last week, I went on and on and on about the dudes I would (seriously guys, no jokes) love to flash a 9mm at in the bar/hallways/bus. But, we grow older and wiser, and a few nights ago I had an epiphany. Yes, these guys are douchebags, we all know that. But what about the girls on their arm? It’s bad enough DB’s are even allowed to be functioning members of the human race, so how can these rick braodsky’s who are banging the orange skin chin strapped mother f!@#&*$ be allowed to slide under the radar? No more my friends…no more. Take shovel face in the picture above for example. Instead of her eyebrows (because lets face it, those bad boys consume the entire frame) latching onto a sophisticated, smart and good looking man such as Walks or Zimms, they turn to Andy Samburg’s angry little brother for an awkwardly average lay. WTF?!

These girls are the reason this phase has been prolonged as long as it has. Why would these DB’s ever stop if they continued to get pootang pie? (If yah smell what the rock is cookin! Sorry guys, but the Rock is f-ing awesome) Take me for example. Being a fairly accomplished golfer and captain of a small University team has gotten me more hot babes than I can handle. I had to delete facebook and get rid of my blackberry to rid myself of the constant pressure to perform sexual acts on hot girls. I just want a break! So ladies, I know it may be hard to hear, but this is the 17,378th problem you have caused mankind. Why would I ever stop golfing if it means at least once every 8 months I can pick up a good looking girl who just happens to be wearing a Callaway toque at a bus stop outside of a high school? My point exactly. So ladies and gentlemen, loyal fans and honorary members, next time you see a DB with a hot girl on his arm, do me a favor and whoop both their asses, hit em with sticks, bricks, rocks, throw shit at em, kick em, spit on em, and bitch slap em. Do it for me, do it for Walks, do it for Zimms, do it for Lips, do it for Big Show or do it just to do it.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7iWahht9dk8&feature=player_embedded]

This post was brought to you by the letter H…for hoax, which is Luke’s word of the month for November. If you don’t like it…you’re a hoax.