Before you jump to conclusions about the title of this it’s not what you think. I know most of you who know me well think I probably could use a little mental help these days but thats not the issue at this time and we can leave that for a later discussion (after you read this post perhaps). I’m not 100% sure what spurred this, perhaps it was the 2600 Bud Lights consumed this past weekend or maybe it was the 24 marathon I’ve been sunk into lately but I need some help.

The question I have, who would win in a fight between Jason Bourne and Jack Bauer?

Immediately most are thinking that Bourne would literally rip ass on Jack Bauer and I initially agreed to that conclusion but the more I watch Bauer kick ass the more I’m starting to think it would be a better tussle then one thinks. So lets get to it shall we?

The Contestants

Jason Bourne from the Bourne Identity (Bourne Supremacy, Bourne Ultimatum)
vs
Jack Bauer from the television show 24

Alright now that thats out the way let’s get to know our contestants a little more, up first Jason Bourne.

Jason Bourne

Facts

Can kill you with rolled up newspapers, washcloths, and books.
Can outrun a sniper rifle.
Has amnesia.
Once worked for the U.S government but now is hunted by them.
Speaks multiple languages.
Can calculate what you’ll be doing 20 years from now.
Has a way with shady chicks!

Video Highlights

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2C9XSf8QrFU]

and now

Jack Bauer

Facts

Most likely the best shot the government has ever seen.
Has been able to outwit enemies on multiple near death tortures and injuries.
Can fly planes, disarm bombs, and deliver babies at the same time.
Had an affair.
Never retreats, just attacks in the opposite direction.
Once shot himself 10 times to prove that 50 cent is a bitch.
Has a great last name because it relates to hockey.
And has a really hot daughter!

Video Highlights

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kBzwPvaBYWE]

The Fight

Bourne has virtually none of the resources Bauer has. He’s a big fat loner being hunted by the same people both work(ed) for. If Bauer wanted to he could probably order up a nuke and drop it on the city Bourne is hiding in. On the other hand Bourne was built for one thing…to kill your ass. Him not being the killer he was trained to be anymore can make him a dangerous man if you come after him. Bauer on the other hand is usually nothing more then a Government patsy trying to save the world.

In a fair fight featuring nothing more then fisticuffs Bourne wins hands down, but lets face it, who fights fair now a days anyways? Bauer would finish the job on Bourne by any means necessary simply because Bourne wants to be left alone. Kim Bauer flashes her jumblies and Jack shoots him in the head, If he’s willing to tell his daughter to kill a guy who’s to say he wont get her to flash her boobs? It would work on me, most nudity does.

I dont know, I’m at a loss on who would actually kill the other guy and I may continue to debate this until I get caught up on what’s happening in the current season of 24 or see the fourth movie of Bourne, of course the writers could settle this for all who care (James and I) and have Bourne make a guest appearance. The story fits in perfectly, Jack sides with the Government and agrees to hunt Jason to protect Kim Bauer from Bourne’s Chlaymedia for 24 hours.

Tell me you wouldn’t watch that, tell me who would win, better yet tell me to seek mental help after spending 30 minutes writing about this.

Of course if they’re going to duke it out I have a feeling James Bond will want a peace of the action.