I’m free. After a somewhat long two and a half months I’m out of the suck…aka Fort Mac. I bitched and bitched and then bitched some more about how much I hated that place. Was it that bad? Yeah it was pretty bad. Why? Well it’s unbelievably boring for starters and the worst part is you really have nowhere else to go to civilization other then Edmonton which is 4 hours away. Combine my life with no internet and no television for the last couple weeks and you could say I was about ready to hang myself. I felt like Swofford and the rest of the crew in Iraq. Welcome to the suck.

Since spending a small time up there I’ve come up with some suggested techniques for use in the avoidance of boredom and loneliness:

Masturbation.

Rereading of Maxim and Men’s Health magazines.

Cleaning your room.

Further masturbation.

Rewiring a cheap ass Acer Television.

Arguing about religion and meaning of life.

Discussing in detail, every woman you or your roommate has ever fucked.

Debating differences, such as Canadian vs. American, Harleys vs. Hondas, left- vs. right-handed masturbation.

Further cleaning of room.

Studying of phillipino mail order bride catalogue.

Further masturbation.

Planning of one’s first party on return home.

Imagining what one’s girlfriend and her man Jody are doing in the hey, or in the alley, or in a hotel bed.

Thankfully I’ve been welcomed back to civilization. You don’t know how great it was to see those homeless bums out back sniffing through my garbage dumpster and how there toothless smiles lit up when I threw about five empty water bottles in the trash. Imagine their heartbreak though when there was nothing left in my Subway bag. Luckily they had a good day as I noticed a bottle of Listerine in their shopping cart, looked like it was going to be a wild night in tent city to say the least.

It’s honestly too bad that the city decided to shut down tent city, after all it would have been a good place to go I think for my birthday party in December. Hotties/Tighties on every corner without pants, cheap drinks possibly full of urine, luxurious accommodations, and some of the best scenery the city of Edmonton has to offer. I guess I’ll have to settle for attending the St. Louis Blues/Edmonton Oilers game instead on Friday night. Shitty. Real shitty.

But shit December is still a long time coming. The best solution for avoiding loneliness and boredom is to get bombed this weekend in Edmonton. Friday night? Saturday night? Or better yet both nights. If you want to come out with us this weekend and drink enough for a small country then give me a shout at home. If you want to come out and buy me drinks and watch me try to end the dry spell then give me a shout. If you want to play some Wiffle Ball this Saturday give me a call. If you want to watch UFC 75 with some beers give me a call. Basically if you want to get shitfaced this weekend look me up; we can do tough man shots or Jager Bombs all night, I won’t get mad or sick I promise. Jesus I sound desperate. Welcome to the Suck.

Enough already.

I got some cool stuff coming to the website. Along with the first few clips of In the Dressing Room I got a heavy dose of videos, some from the epic saga of our hockey playing days in Beav city. I finally got a camera so pictures will start to flow like the Salmon of Capistrano. Also be on the lookout, I’ve finally found a designer who will hook me up with some of my HotStickyBun apparel, finally all those sexy logos I designed will have some use…even if it is just for me.

Lastly for the Canadian Geese. Florida is a GO! Smitty and I will be organizing it all this upcoming month. If anyone out there wants to come along for the ride let us know. Cheap flights, cheap rooms, and possibly cheap hookers are all the rave.

Walks

Welcome to the Hotstickybun Suck