The last couple weekends of my life have been an absolute disaster. I can’t even comprehend them; they have been arguably some of the best parties I’ve been to in quite some time. First we had the Banff cup which as usual was fairly epic in its own rights. We put together a great group of players from all over and came up just short of winning it all this year…honestly though if we had been there to win we wouldn’t of gotten shattered till 7 in the morning. But that was Banff…I took on a whole another experience this past weekend attending the Coors Light Peak Party in Jasper.

First and foremost I have to complain to each and every one of you that I asked to come. What the hell were you thinking saying NO! It was basically a free trip. Free rooms, free travel, free food, free accommodations, free skiing (if you could wake up to get to the hill)…oh did I mention free booze all weekend? You 13 people I asked really need to punch yourself in the balls (or box for the ladies). I know some had work commitments, while others had a stick up there ass but for all you people who had no excuse at all SHAME on you! When I get the pictures Ill show you what you were missing.

Even though I got that off my chest I will be possibly rubbing it in for sometime until you dunces realize what you just missed out on.

Regardless of whom bailed/decided not to come is irrelevant now. The weekend is over and I’m still trying to piece together both days. For any of you out there who actually got a phone call from my cousin Cole or I don’t hesitate to fill me in on if we were making any sense at all as I’ve already talked to my folks back home and they have gone on record claiming we weren’t speaking a normal kind of English.

Lets begin shall we?

We were told our bus left Friday at 1. Actually we were getting force fed free beers inside Molson House for about an hour or so until we saddled up and headed out onto the beaten path. Luckily I was with an experienced vet who had attended the Coors Light Mystery Mansion party months before. The micky of rum he smuggled aboard was a good idea at the time actually. How the hell was I supposed to know they didn’t start serving the beer until we were outside of the city? Twenty minutes later and a drink of rum down the Coors girls started firing the free beer around once we got outside city limits. After having to introduce ourselves and tell them our favorite sex story/move (cant remember what it was) we started pounding. The bus trip was eerily short. We hit a couple stops along the way, one in Edson and another in Hinton. The girls got us all pizzas from BP’s in Hinton and it was here where we decided this was a great place to start up a couple rounds of shots for the four of us.

Cue the fuzz. Im not sure why all my stories keep ending/beginning the same way, maybe Im drinking to much at the bar. Ah well, FREE booze…it had to be done. We got into Jasper at some point and got checked into our rooms. The good news was there were only four of us out of a supposed 8, so we each had our own room. Upon entering the room more free booze along with some other Coors merchandise were scattered on the table. We went across the street to the Atha-B, Im sure everyone knows where that is, especially us hockey boys who were always floating around there for the Costco Cup.

We met up with some girls who were on the bus with us and for some reason we bought em shots…which they wouldn’t do. “Dammit girls, I never brought my roofies this time” I had claimed. Thankfully I was there to take one for the team and fire down their 4 Jeager bombs. Cue some more fuzz. It was at this point where the night started becoming a blank memory. Things I do remember are either quite funny or extremely stupid…however you look at it. I do remember being at Petes and losing the boys. Thinking they left me at the bar because I was to f’n drunk I gave them a call only to see them about 5 feet away staring at me. I do remember when Cole and I left to go to the next pub on the crawl we were getting ready to walk out only to have them PUMP Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believing”. Of course we couldn’t leave, instead we had to serenade the bouncer and coat check girl. I don’t remember a thing from the next bar, I do remember the dark ally when Cole and I wanted to head back to Petes. Jmoe and Benny will remember our cab drive to Cowboys. Think that boys but think of a drunk stumbling out from taking a piss. That sounded really gay by the way but I’m fairly confident I didn’t get a hummer from a tranny. You remember our serenade at the bar to the bouncer? Well I guess it paid off because we skipped the line. I always knew us Walker’s had beautiful voices. I do remember making it RAIN all night with Jeager bombs. I do remember picking a fight with myself…yeah don’t ask.

That was pretty much the end to my night. I know there were girls involved but I can’t remember. I went to the pisser and lost the boys again so I stumbled back to my hotel room to put an end to night one.

Night two was pretty much a dramatic repeat of night one. The only main difference is the actual Peak Party took place this night in the Atha-B which was headlined by Social Code. Im not sure if there were more bands there to tell you the truth. With it being my first Coors tour it was pretty fun. They had big Ice sculptures set up which you could pound booze out of if you didn’t suffer brain freeze first. The whole act of this night was Cole and I pretending to be brothers…as you can imagine it went a little something like “Walkers? Are you guy’s brothers?”….”Noooooooo….YESSSSSSSS” I know what you’re thinking, and yes the ladies loved it. Apparently Cole skipped out on us for an hour to have a little siesta back at the hotel room. Luckily for him he woke up otherwise Id really be cutting into him right now. I know we were roaming around all night at some girls hotel rooms, the only other thing I can flat out remember from this night was actually walking out of the Athabasca with one of those big ice sculptures. Im still not 100% sure how we got out of there with it, Ill have to wait for the pictures to find out.

Needless to say boys and girls if I ever get to go again and I actually ASK you…don’t say no, my little story cant tell you how much fun I (or you would of)had this weekend. Had our full crew of 8 actually showed up Im sure one of us would have been in jail either on a drunk charge or rape of a Coors girl. To tell you the truth I think we were the biggest partiers there and it showed.

A special thanks to anyone out there who we called that didn’t get pissed off. Also if you can somehow get me those messages for stickybun I will throw in a free stickybun T-shirt for you! Id really like to hear the ones we left singing Journey.

Walks